It’s only been a few month, but it feels like forever.  Maybe because we really ended earlier than our ‘official break up’.  Still, it’s hard to remember anything about you now.  I don’t know what your voice sounds like anymore.  I can barely remember your face or scent.  Your smile is faded in my mind and your louder than life laugh is muted.  I can’t place any feelings with what memories I can still recall between us.  It’s almost as if I can’t really remember our relationship.  You would think that after years I’d still be able to remember something… but I can’t.

Most people think that it’s hard for me to open up and commit because I was so hurt about our breakup, but that’s only partially true.  I hurt you.  I made my choice and left you before you decided we couldn’t be saved and that’s why ‘getting back in the game’ is so hard for me.  I don’t want to go through that again.  I don’t want the power to hurt someone, who loved me so much, so badly that they could hate me.  Like you do.

So today, seeing a part of you, I am beginning to understand that I am healing. I was scared that I had lost my chance at love, that you were supposed to be the one for me. By not choosing you and getting broken up with, I would be destined to end up with no one. I know now that isn’t true.  I have learned that in order to love another so deeply, you truly have to love yourself first, so that’s what I’ve been working on without even knowing it.  I know now that our love was real, but only temporary.  You are growing into the person that you were meant to be and I am doing the same, but we were never meant to grow together.  I get that now and I am ok because I’m starting to really like me.

“…Maybe a happy ending doesn’t include a guy, maybe… it’s you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future…”  I can finally say now that this chapter, your chapter — my longest, most innocent, and first, is closed.  I can finally forgive myself and go on.

Lisaxo

Make friends is one thing. Be nice to everyone is another thing. But choosing who you want to be close with is extremely important. How much time do you really spend thinking about those people you meet/ interact with throughout your life??

To me personally, friendships/ relationships are hard to deal with until you’ve learned from previous interactions/ experiences. Unlike during childhood. As I grow up, I think for some reasons it’s okay to be choosy to whom we decide as close ones as they can make a huge difference in the decisions we make and who we become. I get it when mum said “choose your friends wisely… don’t get too attached with someone.. get to know them first..”. Truee, don’t just simply select and later those people toppled you down. Sometimes you’ll never really know people might have agendas behind your back. Always love yourself enough to walk away from people who don’t benefit you positively.

You can always be friends with everyone, be nice, but there should only be certain people who you would share everything with/ be close with. Surround yourself with the ones who is very supportive, positive, who brings you closer to Allah & have a beautiful heart, attitude and mind. Remember that people you associate with have a major impact and influence on your personal success and mental health. I need not want to suffer, or I might say I’ve suffered a lot. SO be choosy in letting someone be part of your life and don’t forget to be good ones too.

Till then,

Lisa xo