Hye babe! Today I’m finally sharing my acne story. And it’s a long one- I apologize in advance. I have only spoken about this to close friends, but hopefully by sharing my story others can relate. Aright, alright ya readyyyyyy?
Acne KILLED my self esteem.
Here’s a few things I avoided because of my acne:
1. Taking photos / being in videos
I never wanted to take photos of myself unless it was from far away or I could edit out the acne. Also, my friends would often ask me to be in videos to support causes or events, but I declined for fear that everyone would see my skin condition. I cannot even find a photo that shows how bad my acne got because I have deleted them all. (If I do end up hunting one down, I’ll edit this post to show you.)
2. Approaching boys I liked
Don’t even mention approaching boys. For a while (throughout middle school, high school, and bits of college), it was unfathomable to me that any boy could have some sort of physical attraction or romantic interest in me. In my mind, who the heck would be attracted to a girl who had acne all over her face?
Acne was this HUGE weight constantly dragging down my self worth.
It was not something that I could hide with clothes, and too intense to hide with makeup. It was also something that was on the main feature you notice when speaking to someone: my face. Every time I was talking to someone, I thought that (s)he was looking at my acne. In many ways, acne mentally crippled me.
Then freshman year of college rolled around. And I had had enough. This was my chance to reinvent myself. It was a gradual change, but I acknowledged my insecurities. Accepted them for what they were, and told myself I would not let them affect any of my decisions.
This is not by any means saying that I am totally confident and no longer am insecure about my skin. Quite the contrary. I am still incredibly insecure about my skin. But, I have consciously recognized that this is something out of my control and will subside in due time.
First, you should know that I did not really document my acne journey but when I was going through my phone, I stumbled on some pictures and decided to share. I first had acne when I was 17 years old. I was in high school and experiencing puberty. I did not think much of it then but when I was through with high school and started college, I started having some confidence issues because of the state of my skin. i never in my life had amazing skin, but it’s always been fine. A few zits here and there, nothing really to complain about. I would try as much as possible to wear makeup all the time which was a remedy to hide the redness and spots but I would still have loads of pimples bumps so no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t hide the pimples.
And can i just say- there is nothing that tanks your self esteem like acne. I didn’t want to leave the hose, I didn’t want friends to come over especially when we celebrating hari raya. i will give as much as reason to not letting them come to my house I just wanted to feel sorry for myself and sleep it off. Which obviously didn’t work. It took me a long time to realize that i was more than my acne and i started talking abot it and share my struggles with it. Nothing like owning your insecurities and becoming better than them right?! Because you are. Also th amazing amount of support I received from MY FRIENDS and family helped a ton too!
Anyway, this was me before that sh** stuck on my face.
Then one day, I got a yeast infection. Now this is a safe space. And we’re all women, we can talk about things like periods and yeast infections right?! Hahahah! i didn’t really think anything of it until a couple weeks later when I got another one.. why?
My skin blew up. I got these small bums all over my skin, they’re actually really hard to see in pictures but the texture was awful. I’d never experienced anything like it before. On top of that I had cystic acne that was so inflamed and sore. It was so hard to cover up and i was miserable! This was last year . I had to keep reminding myself that I was better than my acne! But it was hard. Acne is awful.
This was my big breakout and I started noticing all the bumps on my cheeks, forehead anddddddddddd all over my face. Keep scrolling them and you’ll see them better.
With or without make up here just approving that I was able to cover up the red but that texture and scars was becoming a nightmare. which leads me to this…
After about 8 months, I was finally having clear skin – not baby clear skin but definitely clear enough.
During the months of recovery, I read about how some people complained about their terrible acne and I was spiteful because their pictures were no where as bad as what I had. But as I recovered, I realized if it’s bad enough for it to affect your confidence, it’s bad.
Here are some pictures of my progress. Please note that since I did not document my progress, I got some pictures from my gallery to show the progress.
When my face started clearing, I would still have pimples but not as much as I had before and also not as regular. I had three to five at a time which was a miracle for me. Now that my face is completely clear, I do still have pimples but not as regularly as I did. I have like one or two at that time of the month but apart from that I have absolutely clear skin. OMG!! I can’t believe I can actually say “I have clear skin.” It wasn’t a thing I could relate to years ago and I’m absolutely loving my skin!!
However, my skin is far from flawless. Its dotted with scars, uneven & dark pigmentation left from years of acne trauma. Sometimes, I still do break out. But, I have come to a point at which I am at peace with my skin.
Regardless, I feel beautiful.
My message for those going through some rough acne flares is this, you will get through it. Do not let acne hold you or your self confidence back. Above all else, don’t let it prevent you from doing things you would otherwise do without acne.
That’s it friends. Thank you for taking time out to read about and be a part of my journey. I hope you enjoyed my post.
See you later.
Lisaxoxo
Speak. 