So, the new semester has just begun! Was that the reason as to why I totally neglected my blog? Nah at all, I just lazy. But fret nit, this is me kicking my procrastination in the ass. So hello!

I remember when I first started this blog, I just promised myself that I will nit let this be just another useless blog of mine and because of that, I will stay committed. Which is what I am doing right now, being committed.

Anyway, for today’s post, I will talk about how do you differentiate between aloneness and loneliness? for some, the fine line between them blurs.

Is loneliness the state of being deprived of company? is it for the lack of romantic relationship in one’s life? is it when one has nobody to turn to in times of need?

Loneliness isn’t measurable on surveys, tests or quizzes you take online; loneliness isn’t being deprived of human company; loneliness isn’t you constantly seeking for that one feeling that you crave but rather, it is you accepting that what you want is unattainable and settling for far less than what you truly deserve. contrary to what people believe, it is incurable by having company but rather, it creeps in when you’re out with your friends and suddenly you’re attacked by the crippling feeling of despair and that’s the scariest part. suddenly all the noise around you seems to loud, smiles too forced and lights too bright.

Loneliness is as unforgiving as the sea.

Aloneness, on the other hand, is finding comfort in the very thing that would make others label you as ‘lonely’. It is just you and yourself, enjoying your own company and not needing to constantly surround yourself in the company of others. it is finding freedom in isolation. aloneness is having lunch alone when your friend is absent, aloneness is going to the movie theaters alone and enjoying a bucket of popcorn all by yourself, aloneness is you immersing yourself in fictional character’s life and you oh so conveniently forget your very much real life. it is simply enjoying the company of yourself. it’s as simple as that.

But which one are you? aloneness or loneliness?

The thing is, you never can really feel one without the other. it is like an emotional pendulum, swinging from one point to the other. there will be days when you feel so lonely that it physically and emotionally hurts and there’ll be some days where you couldn’t care less about anything else but yourself – it is normal to swing from aloneness to loneliness. Everyone has their good days and bad days and that ,ultimately, affects what you’re feeling.

I like to convince myself that it’s actually aloneness that i’m feeling and not the crippling loneliness that comes from time to time – courtesy of being an introvert, of course. it feels like shit swinging from aloneness to loneliness but you’d eventually get used to it. i have my family and i have my friends, what more do i need? and truly, i don’t.

In the end, it’s all in the choices that you make. you are the one who holds the power to maintain or improve whatever state that you’re in. only you can truly understand what you truly need.

And if your choice is to be alone, so be it.

Till then, take care!

Lisaxoxo.

Before that……

Happy national single day everyone! (especially me 🤪)

Im not a great nor am i excellent person and lover. No wonder why my relationship never work out the way i want them to be and im still figure out my own heart so really, theres no rush in it.

One thing that i loving someone that i feel like i’ve been doing right is the fact that i always pray for the ones i love. I’ve never actually pray to God to make the relationship work the way i wanted to be or to make it stay longer or any of that stuff. Seriously, because i know people will leave eventually. Its just matter of time, timing.

One particular thing that i asked in my prayers is to make them happy, to erase their sadness, to give them strength to grace whatever challenge that He has brought upon them. I prayed for their happiness. Almost all the time. You see, like everybody else, when in love, i mean deeply in love with that person, you tend to always have them in your head. You wonder what theyre doing, whether or not they had their meal yet, you know, cheesy like that i must say..

And for always having this person in my head, i tend to always pray for them whenever i had the chance to. Im not writing this prove or to show how beautiful i love that person or whatsoever because thats not it. Im writing this because it just suddenly hits me. Maybe this is God’s answer to my prayers, i was deaf and blind with all the God’s signs and answer. I thought it was good for me but not actually. Maybe this is Him, answering my prayers and giving them happiness. Maybe i am not their happiness and maybe i cant make them happy so God took them away and let them be with someone else who can. Because thats what i beg to Him, make them happy and giving them never ending happiness. God’s answer is, if i pray for their happiness, i must bear for the consequences which is i will vanish away from their life. Yep, that’s it.

Im just saying this because God’s blessing comes in all kind of mysterious ways and I do believe that everything happens in our life for a reason. God’s plan always the best for us, He knows way better than us, He knows what the best and good for us. But me, human always pretending as a blind and deaf, not accepting what have been writen.

But, i dont regret praying for their happiness. I just regret forgetting pray for mine, my own happiness. So to the person i used to love, know that you used to be in my prayers and that i still wish for nothing for your happiness. I dont hold grudges anymore. I love seeing you smile, laugh, and happy. But now, i’m praying for mine.

Lisaxoxo