2019 hasn’t come to an end yet but I feel like so many things had happened this year. Like SO MANY FREAKING THINGS. It is not the most challenging year tho I can say it is one of the most challenging years (u get it?) and it sucks but hey you gotta move on, right? I was not expecting my life to be smooth because that’s just pointless. I mean, your life will never be easy. That’s the truth. 

But the thing is, those that had happened to me, were unexpected at all but somehow I feel like this is part of fasa dewasa, whatever that you guys called. Am I stressed? yes. Can I handle it? I guess so but sometimes all of a sudden my mind is like, banyak benda tau dia nak fikir because benda yang buat I stress ni, it hit me macam papapapap. It’s not just from one person. 

Maybe because sekarang pun nak kata busy dengan study, tak ada juga. Buat-buat busy je. So that’s why pun I had time to think about all of that. They consumed my mind, time and energy actually. I just hope that, Allah will give me ease to think about it, bagi ketenangan hati and jiwa because for me, orang yang paling kaya bukanlah yang banyak duit, banyak harta tapi orang yang paling kaya adalah orang yang boleh bersabar and tenang bila menghadapai sesuatu situasi. 

Lisaxoxo

Often in life, we will find ourselves looking for love and validation, seeking it out in various form, ways, and places. As I get older, I realize that adult life can be very lonely sometimes. Also…isolating. I know, a lot of us (an independent person like you and me) prefer to be alone or solitude because hey we can do anything or everything on our own and we have no issue with that. Makan dekat luar sorang-sorang? OK! Shopping sorang? OK! Getting some errands by yourself? LETS DO IT!!! Unfortunately, based on my own experience or observation, there are times when we want to be heard, we want to have someone that we can talk to at 2 AM, to have a very deep, meaningful conversation with him/her. We just need company. 

It’s like, you want to be alone but like… with someone else there too, you know. We need someone that we can share our petty, insignificant, worthless stories with. When you’re not in a good mood, you wish you had someone to hear you rant or let things off your chest. You wish you had someone whenever you want to talk about something but then you really don’t wanna talk about that and yet they’re okay with it because they also want to be there as much as you crave their presence. 

I understand sometimes we value our alone time so much but eventually, you can’t run from the feeling of wanting to be appreciated, heard, supported and valued by a person. The feeling of needing someone as our go-to persons who would answer the phone when we’re bored or when taking a break from studying because you’re just tired of scrolling the damn same thing on Twitter or Instagram. This sounds so selfish and pathetic. I know. Whoever reads this probably hates me now but I said what I said. Because of the reasons above, therefore, it is completely understandable that nowadays people seek and obsess over having a romantic partner- a boyfriend or girlfriend. Having a not-so-permanent romantic partner could help you to gain all of the above, the needs, WITH commitment. To have someone that you can talk to on the phone every night sounds very…affecting? heartwarming? 

I know, I know, we have our parents, our siblings, our friends to fulfill the empty and longing space (don’t lie to me. We don’t share or tell the same story to all of them, right? There are some stories that we think it’s okay to tell our parents but some stories are not so we tell our friends instead and it’s vice versa) but don’t you think how great it’d be if you have one real person that you can tell or share EVERYTHING. Literally everything. Like if your drink masuk lalat pun you nak cerita dengan dia. Pathetic 2.0. LMAO.

But then, personally, yes. I think it’d be freaking great to have that go-to person. The simple idea of it is…intriguing but is it worth the risk? The heartbreaks, the jealousy, the disappointment…

I don’t know. I just do not know. And when I think of that way, suddenly all of the feelings are gone. They vanish. Just like that. And I feel delighted and okay again. Like none of them exist and matter to me. 

Lisaxoxo